Tattoo: Timshel

i got a tattoo after class today. My first one!

The Hebrew word 'timshel' on the inside of my left wrist:



The following extract from 'East of Eden' by John Steinbeck, written in reference to the story of Cain & Abel, kind of explains why:

"Why is this word so important?"

"Don't you see?" he cried. "The American Standard translation orders men to triumph over sin, and you can call sin ignorance. The King James translation makes a promise in "Thou shalt," meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. But the Hebrew word, the word timshel - 'Thou mayest' - that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if 'Thou mayest' - it is also true that 'Thou mayest not.' Don't you see?"

"Yes, I see. I do see. But you do not believe this is divine law. Why do you feel its importance?"

[...]"'Thou mayest!' Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice. He can choose his course and fight it through and win!"

[...]

"I feel that a man is a very important thing - maybe more important than a star. This is not theology. I have no bent toward gods. But I have a new love for that glittering instrument, the human soul. It is a lovely and unique thing in the universe. It is always attacked and never destroyed - because 'Thou mayest.'"

- From 'East of Eden' by John Steinbeck, page 305-306

It's been a hard few weeks. The next few are about to get even harder.

i've been struggling with depression (yet again) and that's difficult on its own.
My final weeks of college are quickly approaching, with all their exams and essay deadlines, and that's difficult for anyone.
Merge the two together and i know that the next few weeks are going to be impossible.

It would be a million times easier just to give up.

But, as my Psychologist pointed out the other day - while i sat in his office and cried my eyes out (and i never cry in front of people) - i am not like that. i am a stubborn madam. i do not give up.

Depression is like that. Depression gives up. But i am not.

And i am making the choice to pick up the pieces, to try my very hardest (however difficult it may be) and to refuse, again, to give up.
i am choosing to be attacked but not destroyed.

Because thou mayest.

Timshel.

The tattoo is just a reminder of that.

Cold is the water
It freezes your already cold mind
Already cold, cold mind
And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand

And you are the mother
The mother of your baby child
The one to whom you gave life
And you have your choices
And these are what make man great
His ladder to the stars

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand

And I will tell the night
Whisper, "Lose your sight"
But I can't move the mountains for you

- 'Timshel' by Mumford & Sons